this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
