You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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