Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
