And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
