Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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