Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
