I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just had sex bonerless
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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