She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize