if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
