my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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