It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
