cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
