She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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