The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize