She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
