Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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