I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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