Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
