Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
