I hate your face
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
