3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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