I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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