Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
