Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
