Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
