The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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