Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
