ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
