writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
