Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
