nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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