Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
