Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
