Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
