My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
