this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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