I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
