Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I met the friendliest cop last night
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
