Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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