I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
