My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
