Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
