ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
