sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
