Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
