anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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