she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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