Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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