Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
