Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
