i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
