glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
