Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
