Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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