Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
