You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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