Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize