apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize