chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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