First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
