I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
