Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
