we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize