Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
