i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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