It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
