Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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