just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
