Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Apparently you make a good broom.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
