Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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