i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
