why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
