i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
