Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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