Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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