so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
