You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
