when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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