Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
